This is What Infertility Looks Like

This wasn't on my editorial calendar. Today's post was supposed to be my February planner setup, but that can wait. This has been sitting in a document on my laptop for a few months now. I wrote it for me, but now I'm sharing it with you. If it helps one woman feel less alone, then it will be worth it.

This is what infertility looks like

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like you waking up at the same time every morning and taking your temperature before the sun rises, before you even step out of bed. Every. Single. Morning. 

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like peeing in a cup more often than you pee in the toilet. That pee holds all of the answers. Will you be ovulating soon? Are you pregnant yet? The pee knows.

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like your Amazon browsing history has been taken over by medical supplies. Basal Body Temperature Thermometers. Ovulation Predictor Kits. Pregnancy Tests. Supplements. Self-Help books about infertility.

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like statistics. It looks like you are glued to Doctor Google again, trying to determine what your chances are of getting pregnant this month. What are the success rates of IUI? What are your chances of conceiving with a blocked fallopian tube?

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like a cold, sterile, exam room. It looks like staring at your feet and wondering what the physician will say this time. What will we try next? What testing is still ahead of me? How far am I willing to go and where will I draw the line?

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like someone is giving you advice again. “You'll get pregnant if you quit trying.” “Have you tried acupuncture? Yoga? This fertility boosting herbal tea?” It looks like you smiling politely and accepting the advice, but on the inside thinking you have tried everything. Even not trying.

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like late nights of losing hope. It looks like staring at another negative test, willing it to magically turn positive. Questioning God, "Why won't you make this test positive?!"

This is what infertility looks like.

It looks like your back at the beginning of another cycle. Oh, well. There is always next month.

It looks like you don’t even believe that anymore.

Note: If you are struggling with infertility, you are not alone. We are in this together girl! I know some days are easier than others. I wrote this on one of my hard days, but today is a good day. I'm optimistic and you should be too. There is more than one way to be a mom and one day you and I both will be one.

Until next time!

Much Love,

Kimberly